HEALTH ALERT!

Mixing business with pleasure?

How tuh play and break no rules.

A 9 minutes love story

Are words really needed?

The PP Test

This is the Political Psychometric evaluation – rolled out by Kevin Baldeosingh.

Please participate (no personal data is gathered at all).

Silk ties and all!!

The definitive guide to achieving and maintaining insomnia!

Just follow this guide to the letter and you are bound to succeed in achieving and maintaining insomnia. I am so confident that my guide works that I’m backing it with a £1000 guarantee!! If you provide reliable video and audio evidence that you have tried all items on this guide on three days per week for 4 consecutive weeks, and it does not achieve and maintain ‘insomnia’ on at least 4 nights per week, I’ll pay hard cash!! On payment of the above some all evidence will be handed over in good order and become my property to do as I please. You then forfeit all rights to privacy and confidentiality, and agree irreversibly not to sue for defamation. [These strict terms and conditions apply. Offer may be withdrawn or amended without notice. English law applies].

Health warning & Disclaimer: Non-adult persons must not attempt this advice. This advice may damage anybody’s health seriously and no liability is accepted because you’re stupid enough not to read the undercurrent of this guidance.  Chronic insomnia may cause deficient cognitive function and some kinds of mental disorders. For legal purposes insomnia is defined above as inability for fall off to sleep for greater than two hours after settling to attempt sleep at night and having fallen asleep there is awakening for at least 30 minutes with inability to fall off to sleep for the following 30 minutes, with more at least three such episodes per night.

Here goes:

1. Drink a good excess of alcohol every day consistently for 5 weeks. To do this right you must put your health at risk. I mean you need a liver-frying lot of alcohol. If you don’t know what that is, it’s usually in excess of a bottle of wine every day, or more than 2 pints of regular strength lager/day, or more than half-bottle of spirits per day. But the message is basically get on with it well into whatever you feel comfortable with even if it doesn’t make you drunk. The general message is to drink three times the government recommended safe amount for women of 14U/week and 28U/week. Don’t Google that.. forget about it.. just get drunk regularly and you’ll do fine with this advice.
2. This gets even better. Now smoke tobacco products. I mean at least one smoke per day is the minimum. However, the more you smoke the better for achieving insomnia. Forget about the risk of emphysema, bronchitis, lung-cancer and nearly every kind of cancer, heart disease, rheumatoid arthritis etc. Look, if you start thinking about all that you’d probably restrain yourself and not achieve insomnia. Focus!!! And block out anything that distracts you from achieving insomnia. You don’t friggin care.. you wanna live fast and die young!!
3. Next abuse caffeinated beverages of every kind. Claim or pretend that you don’t know because you’re dyslexic and dumb, what caffeine abuse is. You should never read labels on things like tea, coffee, Red Pull, Pit Bull, Cola etc..That will risk this whole thing not succeeding – and I’m not going to pay if you don’t follow this to the letter. So ensure you get several video shots on different days of you picking and purchasing such beverages and not reading the labels. Oh – and don’t Google Caffeine abuse or Caffeine toxicity. It is also important to drink as much caffeinated anything within about 3 hours of settling into bed.
4. Get to bed at different times on different nights. Do not forget to sleep during the day.
5. Ensure that your room is either seriously too hot or too cold i.e. you must either be sweating like a pig or hearing your knees knocking!
6. Blast loud music, or real or recorded sounds of loud animals or people screaming, within earshot. Alternatively move to spend more time in a room close to a nightclub.
7. Whatever you do or think, do not indulge in any kind of bedroom Olympics i.e. do not have a bonk minutes before attempting to fall asleep.
8. If all fails start jogging around your room to build up a real sweat. I mean you really need to get into your Cardiozone for about 30 mins just before settling into bed.
9. In those episodes where you have awakened and cannot fall off to sleep – get out of bed, walk around your bed and count sheep whilst pacing for the next 30 minutes. To enhance the whole effect suck on few fags probably ten in 30 minutes. Yes – you can smoke two or three fags at the same time. Inhale deeply of course – look you need that £1000 I’m offering. Oh and don’t forget to record all this on video camera – no evidence, me no pay!
10. Go to sleep with a full bladder or bowel!! Set an alarm for every 2 hours to remind you to drink 500mls of water, beer, coffee or tea.
11. If all of the above don’t work to keep you wide awake, then keep your mind racing about all the horrible things people have said to you, what you should have said back to them but didn’t, swear loudly in your bed like a real nutter, I mean you really want to get yourself into a right frenzy.

That’s it.. I’ll be updating this advice periodically so do check in again soon. In fact you can use that as an adjunct to creating and maintaining insomnia i.e. you surf on this site and then you hit the refresh button repeatedly waiting for the page to change!!

Happy insomnia! Happy winnings.

Expectations

I haven’t been blogging as much lately. Usual reason: there is only so much crap I can sift through from the newspapers.

Good news though. My (rather large) family is visiting for the Christmas and is expected today. Punks is well pleased. Not pleased enough to stay home from school to greet them (commendable eh?) but excited all the same.

Lots to do, lots to see, lots to experience. First Christmas in England for the family, so I hope they enjoy it.

Oh, adding a new hobby – I’m taking up the guitar.

Anyway, I gone. Have to make room for Christmas goodies.

Hans be quick

A Dutch TV-show challenged magician Hans Klok and the "Divas of Magic" to do as many illusions as possible in 5 minutes.

Rum Till I die!!!

I like it too bad.. the Cap had a li’le touch a puncheon las’ night. Boy dat t’ing was nice!

Oh gorm. .. boy dis one represents the essence of the Rock. Well it was a much nicer place back den.

Too bad I shall not be returning (well unless risk of homicide drops significantly  dong dey – currently at 11 times that of the UK).  I go take meh li’le puncheon right here oui. Me eh have tuh be watchin out fuh stray bullet, crash dummies, cutlassh flying, or stray penis – man ah can enjoy meh li’le grog cool and calm dis side!! ROFL.

I conquered!

Well the formula below took several hours of study to get it right. I could not find anywhere on the net (via Google) to do what I wanted it to do. But I had some help from someone called Sandy Man. [No I don’t know dis person – dey just happened to be out there on the net. Many thanks to Sandy Man].

It’s not about the formula really – it was the challenge of it – and teaching myself more about how excel works.

What the excel formula does is to calculate mileage according to rates that change over a certain threshold. That row 6  was most challenging.

For those who need it the formula is:

=IF(SUM($B$4:B6,$B$1)<10000,B6*0.4,IF(AND(SUM($B$4:B6,$B$1)>10000,SUM($B$4:B5,$B$1)<10000),(SUM($B$4:B6,$B$1)-10000)*0.25+((B6-SUM($B$4:B6,$B$1-10000))*0.4),B6*0.25))

I have not completely error checked the formula. However it seems to work consistently well for my purposes. Others may borrow and tweak. I’m also thankful in advance for any Excel wizards out there who can show how to write this formula more efficiently.

Royal Wedding preview!!!

Tune een nuh!!

Royal Wedding Preview!!

Ho ho ho.. and a bottle o’ gin!

Dee Cap doh make joke wid grog nuh! See below for a very tasty addition to the stash!

Well hear nuh – after a tas’e o’ Hendrick’s dee Cap eh want nutn’ else. Boy dis t’ing real good!

Improv

frozen train station

 

Suicide Jumper

 

Food Court Musical

Flash Mob Waka Waka

Thinking - A learnable skill

I know I am going to catch some flack from the Captain for this… (^_^)

Some years ago, I started a BSc (Hons) in ICT. After all, I had been in the IT field for nearly 12 years. I thought that I’d ‘formalise’ my knowledge and get some ‘higher’ paperwork to go along with my experience. Eventually I opted out. The reasons for this are twofold:

1. As part of my degree I had to work in a group. I was the only mature student in my group. The others were on average about 20 to 21 years old and fresh out of high school. Their core education was sadly lacking. I will link you back to a previous post to show you the level of work that the group submitted. My contribution to this assignment was three pages long and was one fifth of the assignment. That was completely deleted by the person compiling the assignment. My response to this was literally tears when I saw this submission.  I resubmitted the entire assignment, all five parts - within 24 hours, and obtained 78% grade. The frustration I experienced prompted me to switch degrees. I approached my tutor and told him in no uncertain terms that "I was not carrying monkeys on my back" during the course of my degree, since I felt strongly that any work of a higher level submitted would be mine and that the others would be earning passing grades on my work. Additionally, any work of a lower standard than mine would drag my own grades down.

2. The Captain had sent me a test designed by Harvard University which was supposed to measure what career is best suited for an individual - or something like that. I was a bit shocked that - despite being in engineering (electrical and electronic) and IT for approximately 23 years - I actually scored lowest in these fields, barely over 20%. I scored roughly around 50% in terms of being a journalist/writer/medicine. And a whopping 86% in law.
   
   Now the Captain has been after me to study law for approximately 3 years. As he put it, I am "more legally minded at my age than he was at the same age." It took him around two years to persuade me, which I know personally frustrates him to no end. He claims I have "a two-year turnaround time", which does have some basis in truth. I can personally attest to the fact that, when readers think the Capt is being unduly harsh on me on this blog, he is actually moulding my untrained mind. Hard as it is!
   
   For those who do not know me personally, I am now entered in my second year of a part-time law degree (with an 82% average on my assignments). Mainly thanks to the Captain, who is like an irritating leech on my arse. And despite the many arguments online, I am indeed grateful to the Captain. And yes, I have thanked him time and time again.

Darn it! After writing all the background, I forgot why I started writing this post!

I remember now… Since starting my law degree, my reading material has changed considerably. I find that I am hardly interested in pulp fiction, or my old reading materials (which was extremely wide ranging). I am a lot more interested in self-development and critical thinking materials. I freely admit that I am a novice.

The Captain has surely been here before, but I have only recently discovered Edward de Bono, cited as one of the foremost thinkers in the world. He is the originator of the term lateral thinking and promotes creative thinking. I am currently reading "Think!: Before it is too late".

I have yet to read the entire book but I did come across something that blew my mind. De Bono stated that perception may perhaps be more important than logic. He also said that humour is far more significant than reason. As yet, I am not entirely sure what he means. This will take some digesting but perhaps an illustration may help:

A 90-year-old man dies and goes to hell. Wandering around, he meets a friend of similar age, sitting with a very attractive young woman on his knee.

"Are you sure that this is hell?", he asked. "You seem to be having a very good time."

The friend replies, "It sure is. I am her punishment."

In this illustration, the change in perception and humour cause a change in thinking… And we're able to see the logic presented.

I shall continue to explore this.

Thoughtful Butt-er-fly

Comments please!!!

Mish Mash–Jamaican restaurant

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is where the Captain and I had lunch this weekend. The bloke in the black T-shirt is the owner. The food was excellent and is fully recommended. They serve in or do takeaways.

You can also order online from meal2go which is what I do. Simply enter your postcode and the restaurants closest to you (anywhere in UK) will pop up. I also like Pizza City’s pizza and masala fish which is the best I’ve tasted.

Laughing out loud

I had the best laugh today that I’ve had in a long, long while. And it all came from here. (^_^)

Uniting

Passengers given a special welcome at Heathrow Airport

The date? October 27th, 2010.

The place? Terminal 5, Heathrow Airport.

According to one comment:

For 4 minutes there was no hate, no discrimination, and no fighting.
That... is world peace.

 

At Liverpool Station

Amazing how people can be united. Pity we can’t see it lasting longer and more frequently.

A little fun

Cadbury Ad

Birthday Greetings

Happy Birthday to my sis…